Thinking of suicide?

Most times when we hear of suicide, we think about the person being weak in character and resolve especially when they are adults. We wonder how they could have managed to do such a thing. We can’t seem to entertain anything that would precipitate an action along that line. Nothing should be strong enough to drive us into this action. We have to be stronger than suicide tendencies.

Mental Illness Diagnosis

 For me as someone who was diagnosed with mental illness, the reality of suicide was even more pointed. It was funny that inside of all the years of stress and strain I encountered living virtually alone with schizophrenia, I never once attempted suicide. But well into my adult years; I would say around my mid-thirties, in my mind my situation was so bad; no job, no income, loss of friends and support base drove me to a place of despair I do not care to experience again. Because yes, it precipitated my first and only attempt at suicide to date. It was important that I choose to be stronger than suicide internally.

My Plan For Suicide

I went to the pharmacy and bought over the counter pills that I thought would have ended my life in a painless way. At that time, I wouldn’t say I was at the peak of my Christian experience. I wasn’t attending my regular church, and everything seemed to be going south for me. The truth is, I used to contemplate it many times during my Christian walk and it’s so important for young people to know that even in the midst of a sea of seeming support one can feel as they say, “loneliest in a crowd”. My mind was so beleaguered by psychotic thoughts that I now identify it as raw grace that kept me. But when I was pushed over the edge it became my experience swallowing 187 pills almost in one go, at least in one day.

Reaching Out To A Friend

 

I called someone and told her of my intent and though she tried to convince me to tell of my whereabouts so she could have sent the police to pick me up. She never learnt of where I was at the time which was by the sea. Yes, me a Christian had attempted to end my life. It didn’t work and I am happy today the attempt was foiled by God himself. His mercy kept me alive and I thank Him immensely. But the question lingers- “What if I were successful?” I certainly wouldn’t have been here today to tell someone that suicide is no way out. It takes more courage to live through your problems than to be through with your problems by taking your own life.

All the emotions one could ever have envisioned, I have experienced in my life- grief, low self-esteem, anger, despair, depression and for someone out there, the experience may not have been or may not be much different from mine. I realized that God saw me as being of too much value. He did not want me ending my life. I do believe He sees you now as being too valuable to try to end yours. So, please young friends and otherwise, if you knew like I came to know how greatly prized we are, you would live to prove the enemy wrong and put all your struggles, despair, depression and your seeming sea of troubles into the hand of Jesus.

Try To Leave The Issues At The Cross

You should leave the issues at the foot of the cross. Even though it may seem impossible God is able. He has the answer to every care and there is an end to every adverse situation. Today, I still don’t have a job. I don’t have the large support base I had before being in an organized church setting. There was just little money to go on. Friends I had are no longer there. Dear family members have died. I still struggle with mental illness. The difference is that I have learned to see Jehovah as bigger than all my adversities and so should you.

Adolescence and young adulthood can be pretty stormy times in your lives. But trust me, middle age and senior years do have their share of loss and despairing moments. But the good thing is: one way or other, we serve the same BIG, GOOD, MERCIFUL, COMPASSIONATE God. Let Him handle your problems today. This is how you get stronger than suicide. Give it all to Him just as I am learning moment by moment to do. He can and He will take care of you.